Once Upon a Time ..


As if the problem with Sita wasn’t enough this had to come now. (Lord) Rama often knew that winning a war against a rogue who once attacked the very moral base of his country wasn’t enough. He has to continue such victory laps until the next ruler made a mistake.

You either die a good man or live long enough to become the villain.

How true, he thought. He was just informed that the puppet government installed in Sri Lanka under Vibheeshana had just collapsed and Ravana’s son had taken over.

Well, we didn’t go on a war because we wanted Oil or something. What’s Srilanka in comparison to Sarayu?

The King of Chola was a fair man. He denied the possibility of a second war.

I fought the first time because your wife, the first lady was involved. As a Thamizhan, we protect the ladies. They are important to us. But now, he is not coming at us. He will come for you directly. We’ll defend our nation whatever it may be, but I guess he will take the Sea route. And what is that with you questioning the chastity of Sita. Yaar, that’s a very unpopular move in our country. Not Cool. He says.

Rama had no patience to answer moral questions. He had a nation to defend and a reputation to protect, for he is the Lord and the very foundations of a future generation’s belief had to be protected.

To top it all, problem of corruption while he was in exile. Bharatha needs to be dealt with. He may deny it saying such expenditure was required to keep the economy running. Even the other Big nation prints currency, why shouldn’t he?

We are the fucking SuryaVansh. He hid his ego.

He will be dealt later.


Lakshmana, what does Hanuman think? Has he been notified? Rama asked.

No brother, he is in meditation in the Himalayas. How unpopular would it be to destroy a meditation? We play right don’t we?

Sigh! So much for the righteousness. Eh?

I think I have a plan! Once again Sugriva, The General of Ayodhya, stepped to help.

Spell it out Sugriva, this is your time to shine. 

He presented a very careful analysis of the situation and began detailing what would be the costly solution. This more or less looks like a battle we ought to fight. We should have cleaned up completely and we didn’t. Who would have thought the son would rise? ­

Rama was furious. The war was between good and evil Sugriva. I fucking won Ravana. Our misson was done there.

That was not supposed to be the point.

Please arrive at the point.

Clean up. You should have given SriLanka to Chola. Vibheeshana is a team player, not a lead. Ok – So now, you just persuade the Chola to blow up the Bridge we built there. Did you notice he mentioned he would defend his nation and that we may expect Raavana’s son via Sea.

Yes. Hey, what’s that guys name?

No idea – lets just call him Ra.One. The only son alive? [That we didn’t know of!]

Alright – Proceed. Rama seemed to like Sugriva’s humor.

So Lets ask the Chola to block Ra.One’s entry to Tamil Nadu. We’ll get him to arrive at the SunderBans. He would need local support to find out Ayodhya. I don’t think you get maps in Srilanka. I hope Google never went there with their cars.

Yeah, those evil fellas. I think I will go after them next.

Huh! Focus Rama. So they get to SunderBans and this is where we ask the Bongs to call your place Ayutthaya instead of Ayodhya.

What the…!

I recently found out that there is one somewhere east with similar geographies. I’ll have my forces sent there to quickly build a make shift fortress and prepare the army there. That way – he will have to fight multiple borders and find Ayutthaya. So basically …

Lakshmana interrupts. Oh hey hold on. That’s like spending chariot loads of money. Why cant we just kill the S of a B right when he is landing near the sea of SunderBans.

Sugriva and Rama share glances and chuckle at Lakshmana’s naivety.

Rama is happy to explain: Lakshmana – You must think. I win over a land by outsourcing the war to them. They think we are partnering them but they really take the pain and work late shifts and all. We of course would pay them less than what we pay people here but they’ll be happy. They progress, they become our ally. We get to their resources easily [heard, they have fucking awesome beaches in Phuket] and just beat Ra.One to death. People of Ayodhya will never have to worry a bit.

Lakshmana at this time is just hoping that people here don’t realize this and complain about job losses later. He just cannot take that with Rama’s son ready to lead or who knows, over throw their father. Sita must be pissed off.


Ra.One was cursing the Chola by now. He is stuck in the sea with boatloads of weapons and an army the size of his country.

That Chola empire must fall and hopefully Pandian, the fearless at heart, comes in.

How many more days before we see a land, Captain?

Soon enough, the Bengal Tigers at SundarBans welcomed him. His first shot was at the locals who alerted him of AyutthayaGod, these Reds hate Ayutthaya. I thought they were once part of the game?

Unable to believe how his opinion on the rule had changed over few years, he marched east to discover areas that look absolutely neglected. No match for the said glory of Ayutthaya.

I must get these people something when I win the war. Gosh, how impoverished these people are. Aren’t they supposed to flourish under the Golden Rule?

After 2 Ammavasyas he reached the plains only to meet an impatient army.

Oh So, You must be Sugriva?


Little did Rama at Ayodhya know about the planned coup. He had already asked Chola to go ahead with Occupy Colombo plans. Chola, the gentleman, offered about half the land back to Vibheeshana and stayed North to protect the South from a returning Ra.One. If at all he did.

As Rama fled the nation, his thought was all about his sons. After all, these sons do not yet have any factions and how long can sons be disgruntled. He would give The Ayodhya to Lava and Ayutthaya to Kusha.

When a woman is behind the sons, why would they lose? They wouldn’t.


Retired and vacationing between Phuket and DehraDun, Rama lived with Sita happily ever after.

Lava built Lavapuri to the west while ruling from Ayodhya and named Kasur after Kusha. Kusha would reciprocate with Lobpuri and keep Ayutthaya.

Rama would later narrate 3 stories of his life in a Nalanda commencement speech.

Never leave your wife alone (or with your brother), Clean up your act – wherever whatever, Never trust a guy who conspired against his clan with an Amit.

He would be a God to every one from then on.

Lobpuri, Kasur, Lavapuri(Lahore), Ayutthaya and Ayodhya are real places that exist even today. Sugriva conspired with Rama to kill Vaali.


2 thoughts on “Once Upon a Time ..

  1. psankar says:

    Addendum: Lava and Kusa constructed temples in Lobpuri and Lavapuri and started serving puri and water for the devotees for free. Thus the origin of panipuri 🙂

    Nice story. I loved it.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: